Giving up on a narcissist? What you need to know
At some point in your life, you’ve probably dealt with someone who displays narcissistic behavior—it could be a partner, a family member, or a friend. You've likely hoped they could change and become better people. But is this a realistic hope?
What Is Narcissism?
Narcissism can manifest in various forms, from occasional self-centered behaviors to a full-blown narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). People with narcissistic traits often believe they are superior, seek attention and admiration, and may exploit others for personal gain. They might display a grandiose sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a strong need for admiration.
However, it’s crucial to distinguish between having narcissistic traits and having NPD. Narcissistic personality disorder is a diagnosed mental health condition characterized by persistent patterns of arrogance, entitlement, and a lack of empathy that significantly impact a person’s life and relationships.
Causes of Narcissism
Narcissism can arise from a combination of genetic, environmental, and psychological factors:
Genetics:
Some people might inherit tendencies toward narcissistic behaviors.
Upbringing:
Children who experience excessive pampering or severe criticism may develop narcissistic traits as a coping mechanism.
Life Experiences:
Traumatic events or unstable relationships in early life can also contribute to the development of narcissism.
These factors can lead individuals to adopt narcissistic behaviors as a shield to protect themselves from deep-seated insecurities or past trauma.
Can Narcissists Change?
The possibility of change for narcissists depends on several factors, including their willingness to recognize their behavior and seek help. Here's a closer look:
1. Awareness and Willingness to Change:
For meaningful change to occur, individuals with narcissistic traits must first acknowledge their behavior and understand its impact on others. This self-awareness is often the first and most challenging step because narcissists tend to view themselves as flawless and may resist admitting any faults.
2. Therapy:
Therapy can play a crucial role in helping narcissists change their behaviors. Different therapeutic approaches, such as transference-focused therapy and schema therapy, aim to help individuals understand their emotions, modify their core beliefs, and develop healthier relationships. However, therapy requires a genuine commitment from the narcissist to engage in self-reflection and work on changing their patterns.
3. Impact of Life Events:
Significant life events, such as a personal crisis, loss, or major setback, can sometimes prompt narcissists to re-evaluate their behavior. These experiences might create an opportunity for introspection and motivation to change, although this is not guaranteed.
4. Age and Maturity:
Research suggests that narcissistic traits may diminish with age as individuals gain life experience and perspective. While some older individuals with NPD may show reduced symptoms, this doesn’t necessarily mean they have fundamentally changed their personality.
Relationships with Narcissists
Dealing with a narcissist in a relationship can be draining and complex. Here are some key considerations:
1. Setting Boundaries:
Establishing clear boundaries is essential when dealing with a narcissist. Boundaries help protect your well-being and prevent the narcissist from taking advantage of you.
2. Prioritizing Self-Care:
Being in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting. It's important to prioritize your mental and emotional health, seek support, and practice self-care regularly.
3. Seeking Help:
If you find yourself struggling to cope with a narcissist’s behavior, seeking professional help from a therapist can provide valuable guidance and support.
4. Understanding Limitations:
It's crucial to recognize that you cannot force a narcissist to change. They must make the decision to seek help and work on their behavior themselves.
Case Study
Let’s look at the real-life situation of Lee Hammock, a clinically diagnosed individual with narcissistic personality disorder.
He started the self-aware narcissist movement and he has been getting psychotherapy treatment for about six years.
While therapy can help manage narcissism, Lee believes that a complete personality change is rare, especially for deep-seated traits.
He talks about how it is much easier for narcissists to snap back into old behaviors than learn new patterns.
Lee reminds us that true behavioral changes take time and consistency, and he doesn’t mind getting therapy for a long time, as long as he can continue to improve himself.
So back to our question, can narcissists change?
There is no simple yes or no answer to this question. While research is ongoing, recent studies suggest that long-term therapy can make a difference in developing better patterns and relationships. One important thing to remember is that change doesn't happen overnight; it&#x